Good Priest, Bad Priest

GRAY (V.O.)

I always dreamed of becoming a priest.

I was two years out of Seminary when they gave me a partner,

Father Blackwell

A loose cannon, with unorthodox methods

we worked together to extract confessions out of some bad people

Saving their souls from eternal damnation

and bringing them back into the warmth of God's light

but at what cost?



PARISHIONER

I'll never talk!

I want to speak to my lawyer.

I want my phone call



BLACKWELL

We're in the basement of a goddamn church,

you don't get a phone call



Blackwell shines a light in the parishioner's eyes



PARISHIONER

AAAHHHH.



BLACKWELL

if you don't confess your sins so help me god I will return you to the earth

ashes to ashes, dust to dust



GRAY

Blackwell, you need to cool it.

Take a step outside for a moment



Blackwell leaves



GRAY

Now look, you can talk to me

this can all be over whenever you want it to be



PARISHIONER

Oh I see how it is

you're playing good priest, bad priest

trying to get me to crack

I know you can't keep holding me

I want to speak with my lawyer NOW and I'm not saying anything else.



Gray joins Blackwell



GRAY

we need to change tactics



BLACKWELL

let's give him an extended baptism



GRAY

waterboarding is NOT part of God's plan



BLACKWELL

yeah? you think it's part of God's plan to let his soul rot in hell for eternity?

a little torture now, or an eternity of torture later

just look at the big picture



GRAY

Let me talk to him, I know that I can get through to him



Gray returns to the interview



PARISHIONER

You sure don't look like my lawyer



GRAY

Look, we know what you did

you broke into the church during mass

and stole the Eucharist

those aren't just little crackers

those are the BODY of CHRIST



PARISHIONER

maybe I did, maybe I didn't



GRAY

The only question I have for you is why.

why did you do it?

Were you performing some sort of satanic ritual?



PARISHIONER

NO! I mean, I don't know what you're talking about.

but I would never do something like that

I'm a devout Catholic



GRAY

Then why.



PARISHIONER

...

I would think, if I ate them all

all 350 crackers

maybe it would bring me closer to god.

maybe I could finally see what I've been missing

what God wants me to do.



GRAY

And did you find your answer?



PARISHIONER

...

no.



Blackwell returns to the interview



BLACKWELL

So is that it then? was that your confession.



GRAY

Tell us, please.

If you really want to do what God wants you to do,

You need to confess your sins

and ask for forgiveness.



PARISHIONER

I...

I'm sorry.

Dear god, I'm sorry.



GRAY

It's alright.



PARISHIONER

What can I do?



BLACKWELL

Go home. Sit down with a rosary.

and say 700,000 hail marys



GRAY

700,000!?

But that'll take him at least ten years!



PARISHIONER

No, it's fine.

It's what I deserve

It won't even begin to scratch the surface of what I did.

thank you Father Blackwell

Father Gray



The parishioner leaves



GRAY

I need a drink.



BLACKWELL

We have a little communion wine left over



GRAY

Praise be.