This is such a long-overdue reflection but I know it's better late than never. Since this lockdown, keeping track of time has been challenging. I am trying my best to use gratitude and bullet journaling methods as a grounding exercise and awaken my senses more. For this review, I shall refer to the general reflections recorded in my journal and also my goals for 2021. In order to assess how I am doing, I'll rate my efforts on a scale of 1 (least effort) - 5 (most effort).
I place three criteria for a job I can be satisfied with;
Firstly, it must reinforce my sense of purpose by supporting the causes close to my heart such as gender equality, climate change, and sustainable development. Secondly, it must provide mentorship opportunities and guidance. Last but not least, it must pay a decent salary.
Based on the criteria above, my current job fulfils two of them. I work closely on the sustainable development goals (SDGs) at the grassroots level. My job description is rather wide and I am not too keen on the nature of the job. However, they are manageable as I have about 3 years of project management experience which is helping me out a great deal. The challenge remains to find joy in showing up. This will be something to work on before my contract ends. I'll rate it 4/5 if I am being generous with myself. If not, it is a 3/5.
Setting up a website is just the bare minimum. I did a mistake because I don't have a target for this site. At this point, I figure that I can best use this site as a way to hold myself accountable and to document my (limited) experiences. Otherwise, I would be making excuses to not write as much as want to on here. (also why this post is published way later than I intended to). Taking the opportunity with my current fellowship, I am writing for the Orange Magazine by the European Youth Press. I am still behind my targets but I am working on my third article. I will be writing 5 articles in total. Based on this site, I would rate this experience to 2/5.
This is not going to happen this year. I have neither started revising my A1 notes from university nor touched my Duolingo app for months. I would rate myself 0.5/5 for signing up for a workshop on the weekends. This is part of my plan to get some guidance as I kickstart the process of revision before signing up for classes next year.
Unfortunately, my leisure time is filled with screens. Gotta love my mum's obsession with K-Dramas because my siblings and I will somehow end up joining her. It is now a family affair — my eldest sister and I plan out which series to watch together. Basically, we're swooning over Ji Chang-wook. Rightfully, so far, I have only completed 4 books for this year. They are:
Anthony Bourdain's Kitchen Confidential
Frederik Beckman's Beartown
Milan Kundera's The Joke
Christiana Figueres and Tom Rivett-Carnac’s The Future We Choose
I have decided to stop reading Ibram X Kendi’s How to be an Antiracist and right now, I am not reading anything particular. I would rate myself 2/5 for this goal. I did clean up my bookshelves and I have quite a stack of books to read. I look forward to selecting a book in the near future.
I have not started a detailed plan. They are in my head but not in a notebook or a spreadsheet. It's still at the sort-of-a-plan stage. I would give myself 2/5.
Sleeping well - definitely a 3/5 for this goal. Somedays I do get 8 hours of sleep, but the timing still requires some work. I have not been awake to function at my prime hours which is to be awake by 0400 or 0500 hours.
Doctor visit for meds and supplements - it's a 4/5 for this goal! I got my supplements and I have been somewhat consistent about it. But I will only get the medication for my condition in September. I go to the government's general hospital so I have to wait for a bit. I'm glad to get a date to see my doctor after calling up various telephone numbers (they changed the office, I've not been updated properly etc). I am excited to see my doctor!
Moving more - definitely a 4/5 for this! I have been moving inconsistently since the MCO. But since late May and through June, I started with moving a minimum of 10 minutes a day. I've recorded quite a number of badges on my Nike Training app. So that's great.
Besides enjoying K-Dramas with my family, resting for me is journaling, moving around, and talking to my friends. These activities recharge me in some ways. I would rate myself 3.5/5. However, I would like to reduce my screen time and save my eyesight. Moving forward, I would destimulate my eyes and provide more sensory input for my ears. I don't consume information best this way, but I want to improve on this.
The beginning is always the hardest and the most stressful. It can be the beginning of either a task or the month. They are equally challenging for me because I tend to have some sort of expectations about how they will be. I speak to my therapist about expectations a lot since 2020. Now, it has become more urgent to apply the tools from my sessions in order to set realistic expectations and manage them.
Consistency is a major part of developing a discipline. I take the words on an Instagram influencer called Nadir Nahdi — “You don't want to but you have to” or something like that about showing up to training. Every day since the beginning of the year, I find it increasingly important to show up, regardless of how you feel about it. Moving forward, I am shifting my focus to finding joy in showing up. To comfort myself, I tend to say: you are doing the things that you don't want to so each day you gain clarity on the things you want to do, and this is part of your work towards fulfilling those desires.
Words of affirmations work best at the beginning of a task but deep breathing is the way to go when the going gets tough. Deep breathing helps me from reacting to things and it also helps me to slow down and take my time.
I hope that as I move through my plans and goals, I will take my time as all is God's time.
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