today i had my first mandarin lesson in 7 years.
my relationship with my mother tongue, like that of many 华裔, is complicated. mandarin was my first language and so it textures my first memories: my grandfather reading me bedtime stories, my little sister calling me 姐姐 for the first time, the sick delight of biting into a 龙眼 [a lychee-like fruit] thinking of its literal name (a dragon's eye), singing along to love songs from a pirated Chinatown CD in my 爸爸's car. these memories feel so sweet, they feel like home.
then, moving between my home and my English school, there were frustrations; mandarin had also textured my speech. i couldn't make certain sounds [ð - the damned voiced interdental fricative!], and i didn't know simple things that other kids had picked up at home, like names of vegetables [a thing i'm still low-confidence but now high-whatever about]. kids were not nice to this Weird Chinese Girl who pronounced thumb as sum. i didn't learn to hate or repress my Chinese-ness, but i stopped loving the texture and feel of mandarin.
and so, over time - slowly, in the 7 years since formal instruction, and then quickly, in the 3 years since leaving home - i've lost bits and pieces of my language. i'm so excited that i feel ready to come back to it, finally, as the adult i now am 🌱
goals:
become fluent within the domestic/intimate sphere. i want maximum emotional + topical expressiveness with my family; my conversational state space is currently so limited.
become fluent within the professional sphere: i'd like to learn professional polite mannerisms, modes of interaction, and vocabulary specific to AI research (e.g. “reinforcement learning”).
be able to read and listen to contemporary news articles/broadcasts
current plan [will update September 3]:
hire a tutor [status: done through italki, cadence: 3x a week]
talk to people in China who care about AI going well [status: have 3 conversational partners interested, one of whom translates the AI Alignment newsletter, cadence: 1x w/ each person every month]
find spaces for mandarin conversation in San Francisco [status: incomplete, please reach out with suggestions! currently planning on going to SF Mandarin Society discussions]
consume mandarin media [status: downloaded Ximalaya but overwhelmed by it - Chinese app interfaces are quite different, would love help filtering down!]
if you have any suggestions for re-learning Mandarin, please let me know! i'd also love to hear your story, if you want to share.
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