do it now

I live and thrive in colder temperature. Mornings are the best at this time. You rise up to the cool air seeping into your room, light a candle wick, stew a cup of matcha. Then you write. You write the who and what inspired you.



October morning in Brooklyn



And you write now, rather than saving it for later. Because once you write now, you pave way for something more down the road:



The impulse to save something good for a better place later is the signal to spend it now. Something more will arise for later, something better. These things fill from behind, from beneath, like well water. Similarly, the impulse to keep to yourself what you have learned is not only shameful, it is destructive. Anything you do not give freely and abundantly becomes lost to you. You open your safe and find ashes. After Michelangelo died, someone found in his studio a piece of paper on which he had written a note to his apprentice, in the handwriting of his old age: “Draw, Antonio, draw, Antonio, draw and do no waste time.”— Annie Dillard, The Writing Life





annie is my hero





Consistency sometimes feels like a bane of human existence. It’s dedication, discipline, a linear line that penetrates through sinusoidal waves of emotional and mental rollercoaster. What I’ve been feeling for a long time is that I’ve largely fallen off that ride with a lot of my passions. I’ve dabbled a lot in on average one-time hobbies, some for 100 days, some for just a month, some that lasted a small lifetime of youth. A professional dilettante, if I may coin my adult chapters. Even within the software field, I’ve always trended toward generalism, trying out everything — not because I was afraid of commitment, but more because I love the feeling of finding out more, seeing the world in a bigger lens, feeling empowered to be “full stack“1 when creating something.



Maybe it’s been a mild depression. Maybe it was more lack of self-discipline and laziness. Or maybe I can blame the effects of the overflow of information on the net that infused further distraction and fueled my easy-going, people-pleasing nature and consequently the lack of focus and direction.



But I’ve been recently feeling inspired again. That rather than trying to fit into others’ shapes, I’m reminding myself that there are people I find abundantly relatable out there. That I have the freedom to find and pick them. That I have the agency to seek and chase what I believe in, and that there are those who believe in the same thing and will help you. It’s really validating that people who’ve made art that spoke to you exist. And this validation inspires me to also make art that speak to them and any relating human out there.



But this only works once you come out of hiding. You must speak out in some way to let yourself known, that you exist and breathe the air that others breathe in. You must kick, swarm up to surface, poke your head out and make noise because only then you can make a ripple, strike a chord, and the world will resonate back to you.



And so I’m coming out of hiding. Reaching out to others. Consuming the movies I want to watch, reading and vetting ideas that feel right to me right now. And making room for the soul to speak up, and letting everything else go. This is the way.





Cheers,

Jasmine







1

In college, I still remember the epiphanic moment from Angels and Demons when something clicked within me — when I realized that all science, art, and religion came down from man in need and desire of power and control. The need to understand and control the narrative of this ambiguous complex and mercurial world. The need to create something to feel some sort of control in the still largely unpredictable universe. It’s hard for a lot of us to let go of that need to understand the unknown. This isn’t a post to make any conclusions. But it helps to recognize this, perhaps even embrace the need, because accepting that’s human nature is the first step to becoming self-aware, develop empathy, and adjust your perspective and attitude towards pursuing anything.