A Room of One's Own

January 28, 2018

In a room of one's own, I sit with my insecurities. The ones who I come home to at the end of the day, and greet them hello, before I hit the lights out. They discuss my day, they discuss the people I met, and everything that they said. They sit at a round table and try to find a topic for the day, to dissect. And they flow in a lot of emotion, some bicker and banter without much of a filter, and a hell of dark humour. They judge the world as if they own it, react the way sensational TV news would show it. And they concern themselves highly with the things that shouldn't bother or the things they couldn't matter. There are these times, it's hard to live with them, but I have nowhere else to go. You can shut them down for a while, but after a while, they might just explode. Sometimes, it's so bad, that I've checked myself in the mirror thrice, and I would bite my tongue once and tried to eat my words back again. But the mean words would keep repeating in the back of my head, looping again like party music. Sometimes it's not that bad with them when they push me out of my bed of deep slumber; to remind me of my dreams, fears and ambitions and when they keep me company watching the midnight oil burning. No matter what they offend on, I still carry forward with a straight face every day. Could call you in, but then they won't answer, they don't speak your language; could try and explain you things, but it will be all lost in translation. So, I just hear her, as she sits on the high chair and calls for too much attention, and her who is just unhappy and anxious; her, who exaggerates my every situation and her, who thinks I deserved better and lastly her, she who always, always watches over me across the room, watches, rolls her eyes and judges my every move. I hear them, and let them just have a good laugh and a good cry, I hear them, and then I let them be, and then I kiss them goodnight, I'm getting by. I don't think they can ever after all my insecurities are mine to keep. In a room of one's own, I bay my insecurities every day.