"You're so hot, don't be so sad, Haha!"

Another day, another boy casually remarks "You're so hot, don't be sad, Haha" as I narrated a personal tragedy. To his credit, the statement was useful for shifting my mood from the gloom of my personal tragedies to detest for such an unempathetic statement. If only the shell of “hotness” could save me from very real sorrows lemons that life often throws at me.

On the other hand, some men would sense that I'm not the type to be impressed with such superfluous commenting, and would often use "deep-meaning openers" as a bait for starting a conversation. Casually flung out of context via Twitter DM's , in hopes to get a response.

Both situations make me roll my eyes often as its a vacuous filler to bond with someone based over an image of a person someone crafted in their head.

The “beauty” or the "intellectual". None of them seem to grasp the topical awareness of the person infront of them and their reality.

//Another date which started on a high note, starts to wane as conversation lacked substance.

It intrigues me to see how people get enamoured with projections. Some even form entire relationships around them.

A classic Manic Pixie Dream Girl situation from the movies.

I read somewhere that to love someone is to pay attention (Ladybird). I think that is beautiful because that is probably the only way to make anyone feel seen, feel heard, and feel understood; and the only way to get over the concept of the relationship you have in your head, and embrace the nuance of the present. You really want to pay attention to what the other person is thinking, feeling, dreaming, and experiencing.

In that sense, the concept of love has changed from what it was in my early 20's. I no longer feel head over heels about a boy just because we liked the same music, or favorited the same quotes on GoodReads. The real deal was more often than not, different, you'd realise that you were in an entirely different relationship than your partner.

//"I guess I am not feeling it" The real compatibility is to actually hold someone's attention as you are, in your most rawest form. And still let them feel affection for you. To see them reflect you and your moods, your energy, and respond — that idea excites me more than dwelling on signals of similarity.


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