Learing Design in Public - 100 Days of Writing, Design & Emotions
For the next 100 days, I'm going to share a short piece of writing documenting what I learnt about design each day. More importantly, I'm going to document how I felt about design each day: the emotional barriers that kept me from working on a piece; the sense of dread before a large project; the chronic pain flaring up; the burn-out fuelled by the feeling of not being good enough. You name it, we'll explore it.
I am as interested in the relationship between making and emotional well-being as I am in the technicalities of design.
I've encountered creativity books, articles and tutorials talking about how to make, why to make and the theory underpinning it all. I haven't, however, (please share any writers or resources I've missed) come across much material which talks about navigating the emotional landscape of making. Aside from Anne Lamott's beautiful, 'Bird by Bird'.
Sure, I want to read about your UX research process but I also want to read about the human emotions behind it: did you almost pull your hair out while planning it? Were you nervous before conducting interviews? Did the number of options overwhelm you, as it overwhelms me? I haven't found much of this type of design writing so I'm writing it.
Initially, the posts will act as a record and a journal. I'm afraid I won't be able to offer many tips or guidance, just honesty and exploration. But I'm hoping that I'll develop enough of a sense of direction to be able to help others.
The shortest posts will be 100 words. And the longest no more than ~700. Hopefully, no more than 700.
My DMs are open on Twitter if this is a topic you're exploring / if you'd like to join / or if you'd like to do some collaborative processing.
Why Are You Doing This?
The aim is to document my journey to learning to make, and create, without the added layer of emotional triggering. More objectively, my journey into full-time UX/UI design.
The below quote is an accurate description of my current experience. And to be honest, I'd rather it wasn't.
Lots of creatives say doing the creative act is horrible. But not doing it is worse - (@ssica3003)
I'm recovering from my second burn-out in under 5 months. Both were messy. And in retrospect, both were self-instigated. I keep burning myself out and it's caused by a toxic relationship to creativity. If I could walk away and be satisfied with a life without making and producing work, I really would.
Since I can't, the only way out is through. And instead of figuring it out in private, as I tend to do, I'm going to figure it out in public.
Also, oversharing feels good.
If exploring emotions, their relationship to producing work, creativity and living a calm life is of interest, then you'll likely enjoy this written exploration.
Why 100 Days? Background
In 2018, I started publishing my writing online. I was terrified, filled with insecurity that had kept me from sharing my writing until that point.
To help myself get over the fear, and to embody the knowledge that sharing my writing wouldn't kill me, I came up with a project to write for 100 days. You can read about the project and its transformative effect (no exaggeration) here. You can read the conclusion, on day 100 here. Or, if you fancy it, read the whole thing on my medium where the posts first appeared. (Lots of bad writing in there. You've been warned.)
The project was more an exercise in emotional processing than in writing. Each day, I sat down, faced the page and witnessed the explosion of emotions and thoughts take over my experience.
It was gruelling, and far from a self-compassionate project but it did the job. Just like going to the gym and destroying your body will get you the surface results you seek.
So, I've come back for round 2. Only this time, I want to approach the project with a gentleness I previously lacked. The aim is to follow my advice to self from the last 100 day writing project:
- 100 day projects are great. Discipline is wonderful. So is being nice to yourself and looking after your health. We’re busy people with families to love, work to do and clothes to clean. The danger of a project like this is your tendency to push too hard. You turn yourself into both the labourer and the whip-wielding master.
- Set a goal to write every day but make sure you practice the art of forgiving yourself when you miss a day.
- Posting new content every day can be exhausting. It’s alright to revisit and edit an article over 2 days. It’s okay to not post every day. Don’t forget, the aim is just to write daily.
I'll add one final tip:
“Treat resistance as if it's a good friend” (h/t @nosilverv) Resistance isn't merely a challenge to be overcome. It's to be gently held and considered. Listened to.
She says, as she starts an entire series focused on overcoming her attraction and resistance to making.
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