last 10 days of my 20s

i’m turning 30 this 29



I also finished my exam yesterday, and presumably done with this degree. Now we just wait for the results, where I can then proceed to do other things, like getting another degree… among others.



Last year was too hectic I couldn’t really remember what went down for most part. All I know was it was too rapid, too packed, too eventful. And that I seek bitesized comfort to calm myself and stay sane. I’d like to claim that 2025 is a bit slower in pace, but there were things that make this year far from being peaceful. I know I’m up for another race, but that’ll be for another entry, I guess. To honour this last ten days, and to break from all the *formal writing* I need to do still, I shall list some of my breakthroughs:



  1. Bachelor is just a type of degree; it’s just one type of coursework you can pursue. it doesn’t really tie to any age group. i’m a strong believer of life-long learning, but it took me years to unlearn these internalised ageism i have. Well, the idea of seniority and เด็กซิ่ว were so ingrained you’d never imagine how it can mess you up even though you choose to be a mature student yourself.

  2. I pay to learn, and to have my learning evaluated, to have my writing read by these competent educators. To my surprise, teachers are appreciative towards our effort, too. Once my teacher explicitly thanked me in the feedback. It almost felt like a collaborative work where my contribution made their work easier. For someone coming from a culture where teacher-student dynamics is much more unbalanced, with teachers having authority beyond grading, it was quite refreshing. *the third grace* they say.

  3. Relationship takes effort: every relationship in life, not just romantic. Take time to appreciate those you enjoy spending time with. 
  4. You cannot befriended everyone you met. You can even grow apart with someone you once talked to. It’s normal.

  5. Don’t ditch your people. Never take anyone for granted. Be appreciative of your community.

  6. I long to feel belong. It’s almost as if I’m in this in-between place lurking over many communities from afar, knowing people without them knowing me (parasocial is real lol).

  7. Being articulated and sociable is less to do with language proficiency and more with opening up. It takes work and effort, too. seriously, all these things i thought came off naturally all has some sort of effort putting into it. and as i relearn to navigate these things in a new settings, it kinda broke me a bit, too.

  8. Everything I’ve done leading up to this point has allowed me to be this capable - I take less time doing same amount of work that would’ve took my younger self 2x longer. I secured jobs that pay my rent thanks to myself, really.

  9. Once you are somewhat experienced, it’ll start becoming more rewarding as you give back and share what you learn.

  10. I acknowledged my *superior* reading skills (I never use AI to read for me). I often think I don’t read enough, when I really am actively reading for my work. Now I realised I read fast, and efficient.

  11. Listening to podcast (and having AI read your papers while you commute) is another great way to learn, though I can’t do it often since, while doing work, I’d be reading and writing and multitasking doesn't work like that.

  12. My writing isn’t that bad. I used to despise my vocab deficient, but reading as a form of entertainment really helped me. I also learned about coherent and thematic progression, and good writing is much, much more than just fancy words put together.

  13. Good drawing, too, is much more than nailing down the details. It’s more about understanding and choose what you’d like to express, which I’m still learning.

  14. Idols don’t have it easy. I came for good chemistry, I stayed for their fight against the world (and the supportive community and creativities within).

  15. Fan works are highly inspirational and I’d like to express myself in some shape of form again. I’ve been touching grass for far too long now.

  16. You can always unfollow and follow new people on your socials. If the feed starts getting boring, explore. Be free from algorithm. Choose your own influence.

  17. I’m more immune to parting and goodbyes. I get to see friends with teary eyed every so often. But we can never get used to it, and part of the decision I made came from being afraid of the uncertainty still. Life comes at you fast, and I still miss you dearly, grandma.

  18. I have time. I have more time than I thought. Especially now that my day begins at 4am and ends around 10pm. But I often thought I ran out of time by 11am (i know. i’m ridiculous). I still hit deadlines, but I used to rush it through. Faster doesn’t mean better.

  19. There are more ways to make money. There’s so much more to life, and there are many other careers besides tech (not that i’m a tech person, I just thought tech would be my ultimate career goal). You also don’t necessarily need to read and write all day to make money. But that also means you can read and write all day and earning without speaking a single word.

  20. AI won’t save you. Tech won’t save us.

  21. Exercising daily can really change you mentally. I now have a healthy relationship with working out, staying active, and no longer link that to losing weight. I just want to become stronger, and feeling and seeing my progress every week is quite reassuring.

  22. You can portion out ingredients and food. You’re never meant to eat until you can’t breathe. My upbringing encouraged overeating ever since I remember, but I now learn how to eat moderately.

  23. Now that I cook out of necessity, eating out feels overpriced and not worth it. I mean, I now know how to make what I like. I can even control the ingredients, price, and portions. But too much of anything can leave you burn out, and wicked wings are great for days you don’t want to cook.

  24. Living abroad is never easy. It’s never just about cold weather, being friends with white-looking people, or speaking foreign languages and instantly getting better in English. It’s more about being out of place, getting discriminated against, and navigating your life all over again as a migrant starting anew. 
  25. I hold prejudice about many things and I try to be more aware of it.

  26. Politics is easier to grasp (for me) the more disengage you are from such system. And one should be aware of whatever happens to your surroundings. Exercise your rights, and stand firm on your opinion. Don’t let media play or outdated curriculum tell you otherwise.

  27. I’ve always been interested in social-based explanations (social psychology, sociolinguistics, etc.) but it always feels lacking. Turned out I overlooked history and current movement all along, and I beaten myself up for it. I just hate that learned-helplessness. As long as I have mental capacity, I shall educate myself to make up for all the ignorant years I lived.

  28. I had a really bad bluetooth mouse and I’ve been using it for 3-4 years. Life’s gotten so much better once I change it. If it didn’t break down, I wouldn’t change it, too. But really, enduring won’t do you good in the long run. I know I can choose better things for myself.

  29. Love has been my strongest driving force. For the past 10 years, though I fucked up sometimes, my biggest drive has been you. Without you I wouldn’t be here, figuratively and possibly literally. I would never, never have gotten this opportunity for myself. I’d never believe I could do all of this. I know life can play out differently, but I really love how it turned out right now. With you in it.



I shall keep it gimmicky at 29. I might do my annual birthday blog in the next ten days. Who knows.



Anyhow, these past two years pushed me beyond my old self, and I think I grew up a lot. I don’t see 30 as a big milestone anymore, maybe because I'm surrounded by those exceeded 30 years old anyways.



I still want to celebrate my life before stressing on other upcoming shenanigans, though.



Til next time.

Whew. It feels good to write something nonacademic! 

Published by qrxx 1 month ago on Thursday the 19th of June 2025.

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