“We all decide what’s good and bad and regulate our emotions socially according to that. Breaking up with a loved one, being unwell, business not going well…Are those always difficult, unfortunate things?”
Two months ago, I interviewed for YC and failed. The evening before the interview, I remember sitting down in my room in Palo Alto and saying to myself: "No matter what happens tomorrow, I'm going to trust that it's the best possible outcome for me."
That's not to say it didn't sting when we got the rejection email. It did. But I was on the phone with my boyfriend when it arrived, and he reminded me gently: "This is the best possible outcome for you."
Since then, it's become abundantly clear why. The company I'd pitched does not feel nearly as compelling as the ones I've had the opportunity to join since. Had I gotten into YC, I would have cut off a world of abundant possibility that would have led me to greater happiness.
Fixed ideas about emotions aren’t a scientific truth, but just conventional wisdom.
Two years ago, I'd been newly broken up with and feeling all the pain that one would expect after a conventional breakup. My friends consoled me, I rebuilt my confidence, and I spent the longest period I had single since I was a teenager.
That experience was the single most formative experience in my adult life thus far. Had I stayed in that relationship, I know I would be a lesser version of myself today. I would not be with the amazing man I am with today. And most importantly, I wouldn't have had the courage to become who I really am, at my essence.
This isn't an homage to the classic saying, "There's a silver lining to every cloud." Rather, it's more akin to, "Clouds are only clouds if I choose to see them as such."
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