Seek Enlargement by Oliver Burkeman (in the Guardian)





I read an interesting piece this week in the Guardian by Oliver Burkeman on “secrets to a (fairly) fulfilled life.” All the insights were good reminders. What stood out to me the most was this paragraph: Choose “enlargement” over happiness. “Will this choice enlarge me or

diminish me?” We’re terrible at predicting what will make us happy: the

question swiftly gets bogged down in our narrow preferences for security

and control. But the enlargement question elicits a deeper, intuitive

response. Choosing “enlargement” really resonates with me. From experience, it’s very true that we can’t predict what will truly make us happy. It’s especially easy to conflate happiness with fun or glamour. (The converse is also true: when we’re predicting an event that may go negatively, we tend to think about just that one thing, forgetting everything else that may happen in our lives. We forget how resilient we are. In reality, not getting “the grade” or “the job” or “the x” won’t make us miserable. From Laurie Santos' course The Science of Well-Being.) I really admire "seeking enlargement" as a decision-making framework. This framework relies on emotions and trusting your gut, but also requires analysis of your situation and long-term goals. It's not bogged down by “calculation” of pros and cons (which is impossible because the future is uncertain), or by needing to juggle too many factors at once.



I think this can be a great life philosophy, too. Rather than seeking an elusive and mercurial happiness, seek what expands and enlarges you as a person. I'm reminded of Patti Smith’s saying (discovered, as per usual, from Brain Pickings) to “seek out what magnifies your spirit.” Who are the people, ideas, and books that magnify your spirit? One last bridge to make with this reading: there’s a really cool Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal comic that explains how “you live many lives.” (Definitely has a lot of connections to my two previous posts on “multiple identities.”) Enlargement is largely a process of exploring and being unafraid to suck at something when you first start. Seeking enlargement is a path to living out all of these multiple lives, rather than being stuck in one identity and acting out the role that's expected of you.



It’s interesting how this comic says it takes 7 years to be good at something; I’ve mostly heard Malcolm Gladwell’s 10,000 hour rule. 7 years feels more manageable: if you just keep working at something every day, even just a little bit, you’ll get there in 7 years.