i always feel like i'm expected to be happy and bubbly all the time, always expected to be the one to lighten the mood in the room or cheer everyone up when they're down. it's pretty exhausting. i want the freedom to express negative emotions without feeling like a burden to those around me, or like i'm letting everyone down. i think it's a pressure that i put on myself. it's something that i've conditioned myself to do. i'm so desperate to feel needed that i try and be the always smiling girl that others can rely on to make them feel better. but it's unrealistic and i'm going to try and fully understand that i mean a lot to people regardless of whether i'm in a good mood all the time or not. i should give myself the kindness of being sad when i need to be.
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