smile (from archive, 10.12.19)

today as i was getting on, the bus driver told me i had a beautiful smile.



it took me by surprise- i'm not usually ready to register compliments from strangers. moreso, my smile has been one of the things i'm particularly insecure about (too toothy, looks silly, forces my cheeks out in an unflattering way, etc.) and it's not really something i like to see in pictures.



i made a plan in my head the moment i sat down to tell her to have a wonderful day when i reached my stop.



it was a nice shock to me that a feature of mine that i've always been unhappy about was one of the first things that stuck out to someone else, someone who had never seen me before.



i guess that everyone sees the people around them in very different ways. before, thinking about how other people saw me in their eyes honestly made me want to shrivel up and puke. now, i've grown enough to recognize that how i view myself can be very different from how others view me. the "bad" things about myself that stick out to me are seen from a perspective meant to overlook all the things that even a stranger could see as wonderful.



when i reached my stop, i was ready to show my graditude, but just as i had opened my mouth to speak the bus driver had already beat me to saying goodbye:

"have a good day, please stay safe."

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