As I've lately been baring witness to the momentary lapses of my memory, I seem to retain the emotions and feelings that comes from those memories rather than the visuals that should be recalled with it. Is it because my subconscious is aware of the rabbit hole it would cause for my thought process if it were to recollect the good times that I long for now? It's this weaponization of memory that plants seeds of lingering emotions intertwining with short-lived, yet unforgettable, experiences that is causing me to further remove myself from the present.
This sense of poignancy I feel when reflecting on former experiences seems to be a retroactive attempt to balance my current sense of self with past artifacts I've already felt accustomed to. From bright emotions of joy, love, and excitement, to more mellow tones of sorrow, remorse, and anger - they are starting to become so ephemeral to me lately. The experiences already spent minutes, days, and years ago are the only vestiges left that bring about my present emotions.
---
Have you ever tried to reflect on a busy day? Where your schedule was packed with fun and cheerful activities, and you want those times to stay forever? That's what I think about in regards to this. I feel stuck in the past with adventures and conversations that made me feel a certain way, and I crave for its return.
Maybe over time, I'll begin to embellish what's in front of me, rather than the rosy retrospection that I'm so fond of right now. I'll learn to understand that new experiences don't have to be what I've been wanting or expecting, but rather, a more memorable time to add to my collection of emotions to keepsake. It's not always so bad to be nostalgic, and I must come to terms with the fleeting nature of my days.
To reply you need to sign in.