Frank Ocean was right when he said we'll never be those kids again.
If I knew then what I knew now, would it have changed much?
I'm at this point in life where a chapter is writing its last words, and it's been intoxicating, having these moments flash by my peripheral like streetlights. I've learned, and grown, but I could have never predicted the struggles that faced me, and I'm still trying to figure out if I like who I have become because of it.
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I always dreamed to be where I am now, but some childhood dreams also stayed in the past.
The older we get, the less goals, dreams, and aspirations we carry on our shoulders; some come true like graduating or working at a great company, some we realize will never come true like going to space or becoming a billionaire, and some we realize we never truly wanted like being a pharmacist and changing course to be in business. Regardless, as we age, we continue to watch our childhood dreams fade away. It never gets easier to give up on them or accept that they may never come true. And it seems I am far worse at giving up than I imagined.
What difference does it make if I knew some of my childish dreams would never pan out when I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be for other aspirations?
I never saw a ceiling my whole life, but the walls feel more narrow compared to when I was a kid.
That's the struggle I'm facing - life is getting harder and harder to live through, even though every day is seemingly the exact same. The human condition is catching up to me, and every decision is weighing my mind down on whether it's worth how I'll become after.
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Reading my old writings has reminded me that there hasn't been enough moments to look back and see how far I've come lately. Seeing the extent of who I am now compared to who I wanted to be back then, makes me wish I could have done more. Rosy retrospection proved to me that the days are long, but the years are short.
There's not enough time.
“One day” is not a time that exists in my life. The only thing I'm allowed to believe at this point is that I won't regret the choices I've made.
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