We're all cut from the same cloth

"Enjoy your time in Bali, man. Don't think about Vietnam or the physical closeness or any of that."



"I'll try, though I can't lie that it's really tempting me. But I know flying over there won't change anything at this point."



And just like that, my connecting flight to Bali is at the same gate that has a flight going to Ho Chi Minh right now. It's almost as if fate was taunting me, testing me - not about my self-control, but rather my willpower to detach from the ache of potential what if's and keep moving forward.



I think what's keeping my head up are my friends. Landing in Taiwan, I got a message from Laura about an audiobook that talks of gentle reminders that everyone holds enough hope and kindness within to care for themselves. The night before, Gaston stayed on call with me to let me vent my sorrows while calling me out on my bullshit. Josh's call with me smacked some sense into me - that while I should take the time to heal, I shouldn't fetishize my sadness either. Messages from Krystal reminded me that my writing gives my emotions a place to live - somewhere outside of me, folded in between the words. And Carter tells me that this is a very human turning point; to take this as a sign to let go of the past.



All these people shoulder a portion of my grief with me, and even with their own busy lives, they make sure to let me know that I'll be okay. That with or without her, life goes on. I wonder, maybe we're all cut from the same cloth; stitched together by the people who remind us how to hold ourselves when we start to fall apart. Grief shared really is grief halved, huh.



The book that Imaad told me to study before meeting up in Bali is solidifying my stance to breathe. The specters of my past and future hold me captive, and by externalizing my psyche, I can better confront the root problems within myself rather than just patch the surface. Maybe the more we try to externally fix things, the more we neglect what's within.



I hope that I find what I'm looking for. And if I don't, I hope I at least find myself again.